Friday, January 18, 2013

List 39 - A checklist, if you will, for my children and yours . . .

We have a problem here in the Graham home.  I'm thinking that the problem can't just pertain to my children - you must have similar troubles.

Worry not, I'm here to help.  I'd like to offer a checklist for the youth of the world to help them with future decisions.

My children are sweet and amazing and smart and all of those wonderful things.  Yours are, too.  Mine have a bit of a problem, though, when it comes to decisions about what can be thrown onto the floor and what cannot be.  I'd like to clear this thing up to alleviate the hard moments to come - those harsh moments, when this otherwise loving and calm mother turns into a zombie warrior with smoke fumes spewing from my orifices.

My family has a working understanding of big things that can't be thrown on the floor.  For instance, they all know with certainty that one cannot throw the entire debris from a fast food meal to the ground - but, if it's just the straw wrapper, they apparently make sure I'm looking the other way and accidentally let it fall to the floor.  They would never toss a juice bag below them, but I have yet to see a child of any sort who actually accurately throws away the tiny little clear wrapper to that tiny little juice bag drink.  They are magnetically attracted to the floors and yards of our homes.  Popsicles?  It's the same deal . . . the wrapper is obediently thrown in the trashcan, but the stick most definitely is silently 'forgotten' somewhere on the floor or counter or odd table.

You know what I mean, people.  I know you do.  Would our precious ones ever toss the scraps from a healthy apple or banana to the floor?  No way, but I'll tell what happens with that pesty little sticker from the skin of the fruit - it slips unseen to the floor for me to cuss over, as I try to unstick it from the kitchen floor.  What's up with that?  Uggghhhh.

And new clothes?  Ugghhh, the worst.  The more tags and stickers and strings and bands and plastics, etc., the more to remove from the floor after the child has dashed off to school, looking grand in the new duds.  For reasons I can't explain, my family is mistakenly under the belief that those teeny white plastic things, that attach the price tag, are biodegradable.  I'm relatively sure it would take about three million years for them to become part of the earth, and I know that I would be swimming among them at this point if I didn't follow along behind to fetch them.

I'm with you friends, if you suffer with these same problems.  Our children are intelligent little ones.  There must be some way to help them learn that someone actually has to pick up those wee pests or our houses would be knee deep in them by now.

Candy wrappers?  Even if no one is watching, they are still on the floor.  Someone really does have to come along, bend down and toss them into a receptacle.  Rubber bands?  Same.  The list goes on and on.

I just want to help.  I thought I'd create a little cheat sheet, a primer, for our children.  Maybe we can print this out and post it somewhere on the foreheads of all children,  That way, we won't spend quite as much time bending over and the floors of the world will be freer of this unsightly debris.  I hope this helps.

Dearest Children,
These things do not magically take themselves to the trashcan and they must actually be picked up and transported the nearest bin.  While you throw away the larger things, please remember to take those things that you 'accidentally' drop to the floor when we aren't looking.  Observing this practice will result in happier mothers and thus, happier families.  Thank you for your attention these already obvious items listed below.  

  1. All tags, stickers, strings, plastic cords, etc. from anything new that your loving parents have provided for you.
  2. Any labels upon the healthy choice fruits you choose. 
  3. The wrappers from any straw, any size, from anywhere.
  4. Well, the wrappers from absolutely anything.
  5. When you have to rip the corner off of something to open it, the corner piece has to be toted to the trash, as well.
  6. Rubber bands and twist ties and pieces of string.
  7. Any of the tiny scraps from any art project you ever do, ie. short pieces of yarn, tiny pieces of tape, the glue globs that you rubbed off, etc.
  8. Popsicle and lollipop sticks.
  9. Candy wrappers - even the very small ones.  They count, too.
  10. The pieces of the box tops that you accidentally tore off when you were opening the cereal.
  11. You know when you help by opening the mail?  Yeah, those pieces of the top of the envelope that didn't stay connected. 
  12. Anything at all.  Ha - gotcha!!! 
I fear I've forgotten something, but I hope this helps.  We must fight this war together, friends.  We must prevail.  What would you add?  What have I forgotten?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...